drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
