someone threw a dead crab at me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
