Screwed.edu
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
