Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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