did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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