I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
