My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Holy shit dude........stairs
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