How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
