I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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