I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
