Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
