I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
