what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
