the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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