as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
