RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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