So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
