he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
