Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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