I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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