Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
