So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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