Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
