GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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