Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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