Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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