If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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