It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
