the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
