I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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