look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
