If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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