Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
