my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize