Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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