you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
