Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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