So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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