Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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