Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
