Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
