He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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