i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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