She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
