Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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