My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
