I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
