just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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