New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
