Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
should my penis look like a turkey
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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