There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
