dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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