he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize