i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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