it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
