i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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