my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
