I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
