I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm always down for nudity.
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