btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize