How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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