You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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