Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
