My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
