She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
