She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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