so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
