I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she told me i tasted like america
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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