watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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