How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
