Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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