remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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