i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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