Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
