i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need a beard to bite.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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