there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize